We all know that Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) the Most High has brought us to life in order to test us. Thus we are here for a relatively short period of time and that we shall meet Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala) one Day, so we need to use our present life for what is best for us in the hereafter. Once we know our purpose and our goal in life, we should seek ways to achieve them so as to benefit our own selves.
In an authentic Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Man is influenced by the faith of his friends. Therefore, be careful of whom you associate with."
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) who has the most noble character and dealings with fellow humans gave us a very clear and simple message and advice in regard to friendship.
How should we choose our friends? We should choose the friend that believes and abide by our religion (Islam) and gives great respect to what Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala) and Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) has ordered us. And we should stay away from that who is not well mannered and gives no attention to what Islam is about or what pleases or displeases Allah (Subhannahu wa ta'ala), for he will surely affect us negatively. There is no good in the companion drowns us in sins and displeasing Allah (Subhannahu wa ta'ala).
In another Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him."
When choosing our friends we should ask ourselves first: Are they going to help us achieve the purpose for which we were brought to life? Or will they take us away from it? Will they desire for us Allah (Subhannahu wa ta'ala)'s pleasure or is that completely irrelevant to them and not their concern at all? Are they leading us to Paradise or to the Hell?
How To Be a Friend for the Sake of Allah (SWT)
"Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken such-and-such as a friend!" Noble Qur'an (25:28)
The one who is always there to console you when you want to talk about a problem, the one who sticks by you through thick and thin, the one whom you can count on to be there for you - this is the person who leaves no doubts in your mind that he or she is your "best friend". You like each other's company and love to spend time together. If something important happens in your life, they're the first to know. You trust them and depend upon them in times of need. They may be a classmate, a colleague, a neighbor, a sister, a mother; or even your spouse! It could be anyone who fits this description.
But are they really your "true" friend? How can you find out? Ask yourself: are they taking you towards the most certain and perpetual success and benefit: that of the Hereafter, or are they going to be the cause of regret for you on the Day of Judgment? See for yourself. Here is a checklist.
When in each other's company, you both:
1. Comfortably backbite and make fun of people. Pass comments about others.
2. Laugh at others together, be it a passerby or someone you are discussing.
3. Call each other demeaning names in fun. Laugh at each other's cruel jokes about someone else.
4. Start a conversation with "Hi instead of Salaam" and plunge into an exchange of the latest gossip.
5. Hardly ever mention or discuss Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in the time spent together.
6. Feel hesitant to discuss religion, unless it is a criticism of any aspect of Islam.
7. Confirm each other's doubts about the Hereafter.
8. Get involved in activities that delay/do away with salaah (Islamic Prayer), the major obligation from Allah (SWT). Have never prayed any salaah together.
9. Support each other in fulfilling every desire - a dress that caught your fancy, or the in-fashion shoes, even if they are not needed. End up spending money on things you don't need.
10. Discuss unimportant things and events in meticulous detail, such as a film, the latest clothes you got tailored, or a wedding party you attended.
11. Never point out each other's faults politely; if one does, the other quickly changes the subject or gets defensive.
Besides the above points, you both are fully aware of each other's family's and in-laws' faults and short-comings. When one of you feels guilty about having committed a sin, the other quickly offers reassurance that "It's no big deal, everyone does it", and comes up with convincing excuses for the other not to feel guilty about it. When one of you starts doing something that is impermissible in Islam, the other offers support and help; for example, when one starts to backbite, the other becomes attentive and listens closely. When one discovers a shortcoming of the other, they leave no chance to make fun of it.
About a 'friendship' that has most of the above characteristics, Allah (SWT) says in the Noble Quran:
"Friends on that day will be foes to one and another - except the Righteous Ones." Noble Qur'an (43:67)
All such "friends" will, on the Day of Judgment, become each other's enemies, each lamenting and blaming the other before Allah (SWT), for having supported and encouraged them towards the ultimate and eternal destruction. Allah (SWT) makes an exception to this situation in the Qur'anic verse above: "except those who are al-muttaqeen: the righteous ones". So who are these 'righteous ones', who will be happily together in the Hereafter just as they were together in the world? How can you tell whether your friend is really and truly your sincere "friend"? Here is another checklist of characteristics that depict a friendship that will lead to success in the Hereafter.
When together, you both:
1. Remind each other of Allah (SWT) when you set eyes on each other.
2. Leave each other's company with a higher level of imaan [faith in Allah (SWT)].
3. Inevitably start the conversation with the Islamic greeting 'As-Salaamu Alaykum', and receive the masnoon reply for it.
4. Do the masnoon mu'aanaqah (hug) and musafahah (handshake) on a regular basis.
5. Almost always mention Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in some context or the other, in your conversations.
6. Strengthen each other's belief on the Hereafter. Give each other more duaa's (well wishes) than material gifts.
7. Always end up exchanging useful and mature ideas and thoughts. Love each other above and beyond worldly benefits.
8. Attend religious study-circles/ halaqah's together. Have prayed salaah together many times.
9. Have watched each other cry, out of fear of Allah (SWT) or out of regret for committing a transgression.
10. Listen attentively if the other is saying something that pleases Allah (SWT).
11. Politely point out and reform each other's mistakes or bad habits in the best way possible.
12. Return an Amanah (item placed in other's trust/safekeeping) belonging to the other in its original state.
13. Smile together, but with decent, non-malicious humor. Enquire regularly about the health of the other's family.
14. Become uninterested and change the subject if the other starts to say something that is impermissible.
15. Always discourage the other if they plan to do something wrong.
16. Always encourage the other if they intend to do a good deed that they're hesitant to do.
17. Consult each other in important matters. Give each other advice seriously and sincerely.
18. Never waste each other's time in useless activities. Never invite the other to a place or gathering of sin.
19. Have full trust that they will never reveal secrets or personal problems to others, nor will they gossip about you behind your back.
20. Address each other in a respectful and loving manner. Forgive each other's faults and shortcomings, and hide them from others.
The one who is always there to console you when you want to talk about a problem, the one who sticks by you through thick and thin, the one whom you can count on to be there for you - this is the person who leaves no doubts in your mind that he or she is your "best friend". You like each other's company and love to spend time together. If something important happens in your life, they're the first to know. You trust them and depend upon them in times of need. They may be a classmate, a colleague, a neighbor, a sister, a mother; or even your spouse! It could be anyone who fits this description.
But are they really your "true" friend? How can you find out? Ask yourself: are they taking you towards the most certain and perpetual success and benefit: that of the Hereafter, or are they going to be the cause of regret for you on the Day of Judgment? See for yourself. Here is a checklist.
When in each other's company, you both:
1. Comfortably backbite and make fun of people. Pass comments about others.
2. Laugh at others together, be it a passerby or someone you are discussing.
3. Call each other demeaning names in fun. Laugh at each other's cruel jokes about someone else.
4. Start a conversation with "Hi instead of Salaam" and plunge into an exchange of the latest gossip.
5. Hardly ever mention or discuss Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in the time spent together.
6. Feel hesitant to discuss religion, unless it is a criticism of any aspect of Islam.
7. Confirm each other's doubts about the Hereafter.
8. Get involved in activities that delay/do away with salaah (Islamic Prayer), the major obligation from Allah (SWT). Have never prayed any salaah together.
9. Support each other in fulfilling every desire - a dress that caught your fancy, or the in-fashion shoes, even if they are not needed. End up spending money on things you don't need.
10. Discuss unimportant things and events in meticulous detail, such as a film, the latest clothes you got tailored, or a wedding party you attended.
11. Never point out each other's faults politely; if one does, the other quickly changes the subject or gets defensive.
Besides the above points, you both are fully aware of each other's family's and in-laws' faults and short-comings. When one of you feels guilty about having committed a sin, the other quickly offers reassurance that "It's no big deal, everyone does it", and comes up with convincing excuses for the other not to feel guilty about it. When one of you starts doing something that is impermissible in Islam, the other offers support and help; for example, when one starts to backbite, the other becomes attentive and listens closely. When one discovers a shortcoming of the other, they leave no chance to make fun of it.
About a 'friendship' that has most of the above characteristics, Allah (SWT) says in the Noble Quran:
"Friends on that day will be foes to one and another - except the Righteous Ones." Noble Qur'an (43:67)
All such "friends" will, on the Day of Judgment, become each other's enemies, each lamenting and blaming the other before Allah (SWT), for having supported and encouraged them towards the ultimate and eternal destruction. Allah (SWT) makes an exception to this situation in the Qur'anic verse above: "except those who are al-muttaqeen: the righteous ones". So who are these 'righteous ones', who will be happily together in the Hereafter just as they were together in the world? How can you tell whether your friend is really and truly your sincere "friend"? Here is another checklist of characteristics that depict a friendship that will lead to success in the Hereafter.
When together, you both:
1. Remind each other of Allah (SWT) when you set eyes on each other.
2. Leave each other's company with a higher level of imaan [faith in Allah (SWT)].
3. Inevitably start the conversation with the Islamic greeting 'As-Salaamu Alaykum', and receive the masnoon reply for it.
4. Do the masnoon mu'aanaqah (hug) and musafahah (handshake) on a regular basis.
5. Almost always mention Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in some context or the other, in your conversations.
6. Strengthen each other's belief on the Hereafter. Give each other more duaa's (well wishes) than material gifts.
7. Always end up exchanging useful and mature ideas and thoughts. Love each other above and beyond worldly benefits.
8. Attend religious study-circles/ halaqah's together. Have prayed salaah together many times.
9. Have watched each other cry, out of fear of Allah (SWT) or out of regret for committing a transgression.
10. Listen attentively if the other is saying something that pleases Allah (SWT).
11. Politely point out and reform each other's mistakes or bad habits in the best way possible.
12. Return an Amanah (item placed in other's trust/safekeeping) belonging to the other in its original state.
13. Smile together, but with decent, non-malicious humor. Enquire regularly about the health of the other's family.
14. Become uninterested and change the subject if the other starts to say something that is impermissible.
15. Always discourage the other if they plan to do something wrong.
16. Always encourage the other if they intend to do a good deed that they're hesitant to do.
17. Consult each other in important matters. Give each other advice seriously and sincerely.
18. Never waste each other's time in useless activities. Never invite the other to a place or gathering of sin.
19. Have full trust that they will never reveal secrets or personal problems to others, nor will they gossip about you behind your back.
20. Address each other in a respectful and loving manner. Forgive each other's faults and shortcomings, and hide them from others.
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